THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE ORANGE JACKET!!!

THE GOOD

Another Mets win!!! Don't look now folks, but that makes 3 in a row!!!

The first 5 hitters in the order went a combined 11-21, which always helps in racking up those runs...

The bullpen was stellar yet again.. 3 1/3 innings, allowing just 2 hits, no walks, no runs, and 4 Ks...

Schoeneweis continues to be brilliant this year... What an amazing turnaround from a season ago!!!

David Wright comes through again.... Remembering one of my favorite cartoons as a kid... When there's trouble, CALL DW!!!

Jose Reyes with a 14-game hitting streak now... Has raised his average to .282 his OBP up to .339...

Castillo continuing to hit, and with some power lately too...

And, how about Shirley, huh??? Delgado with a couple of hits and an incredible defensive play to go with it!!!


THE BAD

My cable system sucks noodles, and I wasn't able to actually watch the game last night!!!

Vargas was mediocre... Allowing the 4 runs in 5 2/3 innings, which isn't very good, but as long as we're putting up 8 a game and the bullpen keeps rockin', we can live with that...

THE ORANGE JACKET

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW YEAH!!!!

"Bill R." For Manager

So, okay, I confess, I jump around to lots of blogs during the day.

And today, it finally paid off. Well, it's paid off before, but today, it paid off in a HUGE, really big way, because TODAY, my friends, the identity of the next Mets' manager finally appeared before my very eyes.

And that person? Why, none other than "Bill R."

"Bill R.," or the Manager, Formerly Known as Willie Randolph.

Man, how I love the sound of that! No more run-of-the-mill post-game interviews with Willie Randolph… they are now lively, interesting ones with Bill R. No more annoying trite comments from Willie Randolph — now, Bill R. speaks passionately and confidently. No more watching Carlos Delgado & His Merry Men run all over Willie Randolph - Bill R.
stops them dead in their tracks. Kinda like baseball’s version of Raid....

Bill R. - Man of the Future.

Willie Randolph - Man of the Past.

Are ya with me? Let's give Bill R. a fighting chance! Bill R. for Manager of the Mets, 2008. Vote for Bill R. Get y'er Bill R. here. Bill R. - Man of the Future, Not of the Past. Get on board NOW!!!!!!

THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE TATIS!!!!

THE GOOD

THE METSIES WIN!!!

And, more importantly, the Metsies win a game coming from behind TWICE in the late innings, with heroics from some of the unsung players, Endy and Tatis!!!

Luis Castillo with a very nice night... 2-5 with a homer, 2 ribbies..

Reyes with a nice night... 2-5 plus a walk.. 2 runs scored... 16th stolen base of the year...

And now for the most important piece... Other than one bad pitch (lucky swing) by Duaner, the bullpen was DOMINANT last night...

Perfect inning for Schoeneweis, who by the way, now has an ERA of 1.35!!! His Opponents are hitting under .200 against him and his WHIP is 0.90, which are GREAT numbers!!!

2 perfect innings for Heilman in a VERY tight spot, pitching the 8th and 9th innings of a 1-run game... GREAT bounceback game... Like him or not, make fun of him or not, Aaron has been one of the better relievers in the game over the past few years, and we could REALLY use him pitching like we all know he can...

In all Mets pitchers struck out 16 Marlins batters last night...

THE BAD

Another poor outing overall by Ollie Perez... 6 innings and 5 earned runs, including 3 homers... Not getting it done... Again, somebody should remind this dude that he's costing himself MILLIONS of dollars with starts like this!!!

THE TATIS!!!

Okay, seriously... Who the hell saw THAT coming??? And, overall, just a really nice sign that the Mets are now starting to get some production from their bench players...

Easley with a couple of hits last night...

Tatis with just the one hit, but what a hit it was!!! Not to mention that, at least so far, he's hitting .368 for us! And apparently can play a little RF too (okay, well that may be a stretch!!!)

Overall, maybe the best win of the season for the Mets, and the kind of games we were winning pretty regularly back in 2006... MAYBE a good sign of things to come for us???

LET'S GO METS!!!

And The Big Pussy Pick of the Week Goes To...

This week was a tough one, not just for the Mets, but for the GBU (read: ME) as well. See, deciding who gets the Big Pussy Award is a tough call - we have to take into consideration many different aspects, stories and events during the week to ensure we keep our highest standards of picking the finest candidates.

I'm sure many of you thought I would pick Willie Randolph automatically. And why not, since within a week he managed to: play the race card (in a multicultural environment!), have his team get swept by the Braves and lost two out of three to the worse-than-us Rockies, AND save his shaky job with a meeting about nothing with the management. But no, Willie Randolph would be the obvious choice and we are not obvious here.

This week, after careful consideration, I have decided to give the Big Pussy Award to two people again for the second week in a row, but to two Mets - well one is a Met, the other is a suit -

Carlos Beltran and Omar Minaya!!

Shirley Beltran is almost too easy. But this week he left himself WIDE open for BP consideration with his thoughts on the idea of Willie the Wonker losing his job.

“What happens in the front office, there is nothing we can do about it,” he said. “We just need to continue to come to the ballpark and play hard and try to win ballgames. Whatever happens, happens. We’re employees here.”

Hey Carlos why don't you just come right out and say it? This is a jay-oh-bee to me. Remember that song from the 80s - nothin' going on but the rent...you gotta to have jaay--ohhhh--beeee if you want to beeeee with meeeee. OK you get the point.

Carlos is slowly starting to represent all that is wrong in baseball - yeah, we all know you came to the Mets for money, and it was your second choice of New York teams. Just you know, feel free to waive your no-trade-clause to go play someplace you can't get booed, you fuckin pussy. Say what you want about A-Fraud, at least you can pretty much guarantee he'll hit .300 every year and tons of home runs. All the Shirley guarantees is drama, bitching and phantom injuries that appear when we least expect.

As for Omar Minaya, it was a tough call between him and Randolph. Most Met fans see Minaya's public endorsement of Willie as a veil to save his own hide. You see, he put this mess together, Willie is losing games because of it and getting flak and his name plastered all over the papers...yet, you don't see Omar getting called out on any of it.

Visit ANY blog and you'll find thinly veiled criticism (and not so thin...) of the job Omar has done since basically 2006. He's done horribly. He traded Jeff Keppinger (.324/.373/.446/.819) for Ruben Gotay - because Gotay was considered young and could stay in the minors when buddy Jose Valentin was the starting 2B - THEN Valentin got injured, Gotay looked overmatched, so he got Luis Castillo. THEN he gave FOUR YEARS and outbid himself for his new "buddy" Weezie, and we are guaranteed to not only have a shitty second baseman who can't hit for the next three seasons, we are guaranteed to hear his bitching about how he needs day games off after night games.

THANKS A LOT OMAR. SHEESH. Did I mention Gotay was basically let go for air and is now doing well on the hated Braves? Oh and the Bannister for Burgos trade. Bannister is doing phenomenal and the AmBurglar? Well he makes headlines for losing his jewelry, not for pitching these days.

Now, here's my philosophy on Omar's endorsement of Willie. I think he's actually doing the honorable thing. Omar sees the product on the field, knows he's responsible for it and doesn't feel Willie should take the heat for the team.

That said (a famous Omar interjection), in a kind of backwards logic, it's this stupid fucking loyalty Omar shows that got this team into trouble in the first place. Rumor has it Jesus Flores, catcher of the future, was lost due to the Rule V Draft by protecting Omar buddies like Julio Franco, who you know is 95 years old and in desperate need of work. Shit, the way he performed till the end, he needed a friend to give him a job. Of course, it was Minaya's buddies in Washington, Bowden and Acta, who coveted Flores, so it's all part of the job I guess. RIIIIGHT.

THEN, Moises Alou - isn't Omar really good friends with Felipe Alou? Sure Felipe, I'll give your kid a job, but you know what I'm sayin, you have to buy me dinner at Tavern on the Green.

What about Carlos Delgado? Well, okay, bad example, I don't think any of us could have seen his decline - but why show love to a guy who a.) hates America and 2.) publicly dissed Omar, Tony and all his cronies to the media. Hey Omar, repeat after me: Say "YES" to bomb testing in Vieques.

Oh and we'll trade away Lastings Milledge for two guys I really like from my old team. Cause you know, they got the good ol' Montreal Expos pedigree.

So why wouldn't Omar go to bat for Willie Randolph? He not only hand-picked him to run the team, Willie's not dumb. He knows Omar is loyal, incredibly loyal to a fault.

And you know the old saying - Big Pussies Finish Last, Omar. Stop being so nice.

Pussies.

Be sure to visit The Coop over at My Summer Family and at Section 14 in the Mezzanine!

Le Grande Orange, Part Deux....

It appears that last night, there was more than just the benching of one Carlos Delgado at work in the Mets' win against the Fish.

No, it's not the second coming of Rusty Staub, who as we all know is Le Grande Orange Part Un, "Un" being one in francais, don't you know. And it isn't Fred Flintstone, or some other orangey horror. It's the Mets' very own Jay Horowitz being requested, or more like TOLD, by Mets' ace Johan Santana to don the orange, thereby hoping to change the Mets' luck. The orange apparently being in the form of an orange coat heretofore worn by the likes of Pedro Martinez.

And don it he did, and lo and behold, the luck changed.

It's good to see these types of things occurring on the Mets again. For too long, it's been too uptight -- why, we haven't seen a good gag since Mike Jacobs dressed up as Daisy Duke a few years ago for Rookie Hazing Day, and since David Wright was Cliff Floyd's personal bellboy. Say what you will, but this is the type of stuff that goes on all the time on winning teams, and teams that have confidence.
I say, next should be Keith Hernandez as Big Bird. Or Gary Cohen as The Jolly Green Giant. Or Ron Darling as Superman. Can you just picture Ronnie in those tighty-blues? It's just a Jerry Seinfeld dream....

And then, maybe Willie Randolph in disguise... a mustache and sunglasses, maybe? Stay tuned....

THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE WOOOHOOO WE WON A GAME!!!!

THE GOOD

Another solid effort by Johan... I still don't think we've seen him at his best, but he's still be very good so far... 7 innings, 3 runs, and most importantly, his 6th win of the year...

The bottom of the order coming through!! Very nice games for Tatis, Castro, Easley... Leave Delgado on the bench!!!!

Solid work by both Duaner and Wags to seal the deal...

THE BAD

Another error by Jose, who is continuing to suffer from HUHA syndrome...

And again, I don't like picking on the kids, but Evans with another o-fer, and leaving 7 men on base...

THE WOOOHOOO WE WON A GAME!!!

THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE DAMN WE SUCK!!!!

This one's gonna hurt!!!

THE GOOD

Well, ya got me... Reyes hit 2 homers yesterday, so I guess that's good... Of course, this probably means he'll start trying to hit homers now, and instead keep hitting a bunch of weak popups...

Aaron Heilman with 2 pretty good innings yesterday.

THE BAD

I think it's time somebody remind young Mr. Pelfrey that he's SUPPOSED to be improving, not getting worse!!! That's 2 straight games now where he only lasted 4 innings... A far cry from the gem he threw in Washington a couple of weeks ago, which of course we lost 1-0... That's not 6 straights starts for Pelfrey where he's gotten the loss...

Reyes with another bad error... Whether it's fielding errors or getting picked off, Jose has developed a REALLY bad case of HUHA (Head Up His ASS) syndrome...

Sorry to do this to the kid, but Nick Evans with a rough day yesterday, going 0-4 with 2 Ks, and leaving a small army on base...

Delgado SUCKS... Comes up with the bases juiced and hits a weak fly out, and only Castillo's speed and Luis Gonzalez' noodle arm allowed a run to score... Comes up in the 5th with runners on 1st and 2nd, and manages a weak popup to 1st base....

THE DAMN WE SUCK

Maybe somebody can explain to us here how Willie Randolph is still employed?

We're now 1/3 of the way through the season (more or less)... And, we're 10th in the NL in runs scored, and just 7th (not great) in team ERA...

Some changes NEED to be made, and fast... Otherwise, we'll have another September of non-meaningless games!!! Instead of making those changes, the Wilpons have buried there head in the sand and pretend that everything is okay...

It's The Same Old Story... The Same Old Song And Dance...

....my friends.

And the winner is -- Willie Randolph! According to late breaking news, and MetsBlog, and the pre-game presser being broadcast live right now on WFAN, Willie Wonker is indeed remaining as manager of the Mets, and according to Omar Minaya, Willie's job was "never in jeopardy."

They're talking about "improving the team," and generally circling their management wagons, in a gesture reminiscent of Custer's Last Stand, if'n ya ask me.

So rally 'round the flag, boys, circle your wagons, and by all means, improve the team, but my thoughts? Shoulda been done long ago. Too little, too late. The time has passed. Dead Man Walking. [Insert cliche of your choice here.]

There is simply no sense of urgency, no logic, faulty or otherwise, no recrimination, apparently, and no fallout in the Wilpon World. Why, it's paradise by the dashboard light. They're fools for you, anyway. Hell, they're just.plain.fools.

You had better turn the beat around, and quickly, Willie. And that goes for you, too Omar, because you done went and hitched your wagon to Willie's, and for better or for worse, sink or swim, it looks as if you two boys are in it together.

WOW, Keith!....

And holy shit, Batman!

Did y'all hear Keith's comments about Gary Carter during today's game broadcast on The WB????? He described Gary Carter and/or Gary Carter's recent comments about throwing his hat into the not-so-vacant-yet ring of the Met manager's job as "unconscious."

Looks like Willie isn't the only one squirming in Metsland right now, huh?

Looks like Carter is jumping in the premature Willie grave, and frankly, I've always thought that Gary Carter's best friend was Gary Carter. Don't get me wrong -- I agree with Keith that Gary was a helluva player and has my utmost respect AS A PLAYER, but jeeze louise, Gary... give it a break already, willya? By this time, everybody and his brother, and his other brother (Larry, Darryl and Darryl, anyone?) KNOWS you want a ML manager's job. But if you keep up shit like this, Gary, the only manager's job you're going to get is the one you currently have, for as long as you can keep it.

I've always thought that Gary Carter was more of a fan's player than a player's player. That he was the type of guy the other players would snicker about behind his back, and plot all kinds of silly pranks of the lockerroom variety while doing it.

So you might just say, Gary, that your mouth and naked ambition will be the vehicles of their own demise. So even if Willie is currently a Dead Man Walking, you're lined up right next to him at the morgue, there, ex-pal-o-mine.

"Willie Is The Reason For The Season..."

As I said in the Comments section of another blog today, let's face facts, folks. The problems with this team run deeper than either Willie or Omar... in fact, I believe they run right on up through the front office and land at the feet of none other than, yes, that's right.... Mr. and Mr. Wilpon.

Think about it. Many folks, including the fine writer on the other blog, make a very good case for the dismissal of not only Willie, but Omar. But there's a huge question looming there with regard to Omar, and it's this: has Omar been doing HIS OWN bidding, or the bidding of THE WILPONS? If he's created and maintained The Shea Slophouse/Flophouse all on his own, well, then, the answer is simple -- heeeeee's outta here! But if, on the other hand, he's been the patsy for Freddie and Jeffie, and has done nothing more than follow The Wilpon Game Plan, well, then, I submit, we have a much deeper and larger and insurmountable problem -- the ownership of the Mets.
As none other than the venerable and ubiquitous meanballer has been saying for year after year after year... in post after post after post... and basically has suffered more than one Willie could ever endure as thanks for it.

Well, meanie, I say this to you: I was wrong. I admit it. You were right; you tried to tell us, albeit ad nauseum, but you did try. I guess I just did not want to face the fact that we were stuck with this Godforsaken piece of shit ownership for the next, say.... well, I'll be dead by then, mercifully.

So on that happy note, I'm going to stick with an easy mantra, one we all understand, a slogan for change that can actually be accomplished, that we can all embrace and hold out as our salvation, and it's this: Willie Is The Reason For The Season.

I'm sure my Christian friends out there will appreciate the derivative nature of that there mantra. But you don't have to be Christian to embrace it; you just have to be a disgusted, frustrated Mets fan.

So repeat after me: Willie Is The Reason For The Season. This season, last season. He's the reason.

Hallelujah.

Bye bye, Willie. I'm not excusing you; you deserve to be fired, in my book, for many reasons. But it's far deeper then you, me, and the next guy -- it goes right to the smelly and clueless top.

THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE PUGLY!!!

THE GOOD

2 pitches... That's all that was good last night... Beltran and Delgado's homers... That is all...

THE BAD

Everything else... Bad defense from Castillo, Beltran, Wright, Schneider... Johan not getting the job done when we REALLY needed it...

THE UGLY

Getting beat by Larry Jones again!!!

Four game sweep by the Braves is completely and totally unacceptable, and I'm now more than ready for heads to roll... It's time... I was willing to give Willie a chance to move on from last year's disaster... I was willing to wait until Memorial Day to see how the team, and Willie, reacted to last year's collapse... And, now that I've seen the reaction, it's time to try something different, because this just ain't workin' folks...

Just Throwing Some Shit Against The Wall...

...and seeing if any of it sticks.

That's right, as the picture so clearly states, shit is a weapon. So what say we throw some of it, and see what we come up with:

(1) David Wright. If anything good comes out of this whole WillieGate mess, here's one potential positive - David Wright finally emerging out of his cocoon to become the unchallenged leader of the Mets. Of course, this will happen only if Willie is replaced as manager, and a shift in attitude occurs.

(2) Aaron Heilman. So he's on the trading block, eh? Another textbook example of the phrase "what a fine mess you've gotten us into." By US, I mean, the METS of course. Here's a novel idea, owners of the Blue and Orange: right now, The Vile Heil sucks the big one. And he's unhappy, and has probably been unhappy for years now. OK, OK, I admit, I was one of those who advised The Heil rather snarkily to suck it up and take one for the team, but at this point, the whole thing has turned to, well, to shit, in keeping with the theme of this here post. So, as suggested by TC last week on her blog, why not offer him a stint in the minors and the chance to become a bona fide starter, which is what he's always wanted? Why not try this before trading for him, because you just know if you're a Mets fan that he's going to go somewhere else, start, and be another Tom Glavine against the Mets *sigh.* So whaddaya say, Mets?

(3) Carlos Delgado is a fucking cancer. I'm not sure that one's up for debate, other than to say the only debate is what to do with him once the managerial change occurs. Which it will, and probably before long. Enough of Delgado's shitty attitude, shitty play, all around shit. I don't have the answer, but something has to happen with him. Because, well, it's like this. It's kind of like The Teacher v. The Wiseass Bully. In the case, the Mets being The Teacher, and Delgado being The Wiseass Bully. As a teacher myself (not a schoolteacher, but a CCD teacher, which still qualifies me as a bona fide identifier of this phenomenon, even I say so myself), you usually identify the The Wiseass Bully of the class within the first few classes. You know the one -- the one who constantly challenges you, the one to whom the other kids look for guidance, the one whose word goes in class, the one who is loved and admired by most of the other kids. You know, of course, the only way to gain control of the class is to somehow stop The Wiseass Bully in his tracks. Now, there are several different methods by which to do this, which isn't really the point of this post; the point is, Carlos Delgado has been definitively identified as The Wiseass Bully. So what are you waiting for, Mets????? You can't let him run the class, fcol!

(4) Moises Alou, And The Old Injured Guy Brigade. See, now, this is a real problem. In addition to the whole WillieMess, the Mets need to decide in which direction they're going to go. As much as I love and admire Moises Alou, I was pretty much against his re-signing this past off-season because of his propensity for spending half of each season on the DL, and half of the other half on the bench trying to avoid being on the DL. You simply cannot sign this type of player and make him an everyday position player. It's not good sense, it's not good business, it's just plain not good.

Like, it's shit.

So, any of y'all got an opinion on any of this?

And I'll Feel A Whole Lot Better, When You're Go-one...

Last night, on Mike & The Mad Dog's 5:05 regular Wednesday spot with Willie, he did what he should have done after The Collapse last year -- he apologized. To ownership, to the fans, and to the players. And he sounded sincere and he sounded agonized and he sounded curiously resigned.

Apology accepted, Willie, at least, from THIS fan.

Actually, it may be a good thing that he sounded resigned, because despite the heartfelt and what I thought was effective apology, and despite the fact that I feel for Willie, I truly do, I believe that it's in the best interests of the team for one of two things to happen. And I'm going to say, before I elaborate, that I believe the first has no basis whatsoever in reality, so the second is probably what should happen.

The first scenario involves everyone surrounding the Mets, ownership, coaches, players, fans, and media wiping the slate clean with Willie, and allowing him some leeway and latitude to get the Mets ship righted. And having a little patience.

I believe this scenario has the same chance of happening as does, say, George W. Bush of becoming a flaming liberal, Rev. Al of finally getting it, and Hank Steinbrenner of keeping his trap shut for even one New York minute. Once the proverbial cat is out of the proverbial bag, Willie dear, it just is too hard to put it back. And your apology is something that should have been done long ago, like after last season, and is water under the bridge at this point. Whether or not any of what you said is even true, it doesn't matter anymore. The fact is, you have basically ruined it for yourself in this town, and that, combined with the fact that the Mets have played .500 ball for about a year now, isn't going to get you any brass, or other, rings.

Which brings me to scenario #2. I'm going to make my case that Willie should be relieved of his duties. Nothing personal, Willie, and truly, it doesn't make me happy to say it, but all things considered, I think it's time for you to move on. They say in baseball that winning cures everything. Well, I submit the opposite is also true, that losing makes everything worse. So let's look at the facts, shall we?

Fact #1: the team has played little more than .500 ball for the last year. As I said above.

Fact #2: after around May 15 last year, the team did not play with any energy, sense of purpose, or game plan for the rest of the season, which brings me to:

Fact #3: Willie presided over the worst late-season collapse in baseball history.

Fact #4: the team has played thus far this year with even less energy, sense of purpose or game plan than it did most of last year, if that's even possible.

Fact #5: Willie has thin skin, and has proven he can't handle New York. What does that say to the players? It hardly inspires leadership.

And Fact #6, and the most important one: the team is not winning under Willie.

So in conclusion, members of the jury, I submit that Willie Randolph's time here should come to a rapid end, and that it's time for the Mets to move on.

For Your Perusal.... A WATP!

So I'm thinking today about the situation with the Mets and Willie Randolph, and about the lousiness of the Yankees thus far this year, and the personalities involved, and the recent happenings, and I think I have a solution - the Mets and the Yankees should trade managers. That's right, folks - Willie Randolph for Joe Girardi, straight up....

And I'm only HALF kidding. HALF. Well, maybe a little more than half, but hey, give me some credit for thinking outside the box, huh? No? OK, don't, but hear me out.

Mets fans are clamoring for a more fiery guy, a more emotional guy. A guy who seems as if he gives a shit. And Joe Girardi, based upon what we know to be true, certainly fits that bill. And he's just in his first year of a three-year deal with the Yankees, so he'll have about 2-1/2 years to prove his worth with The Other New York Team. And he's already shown he can manage in the National League, which is more than we can say for Willie Wonker. He won a Manager of the Year award, fcol, which means a helluva lot more than all of Willie's rings, since none were remotely related to his being a manager in any way, shape or form.

And Willie Randolph will finally be back where he belongs, and in the uniform in which he belongs. And I'll give you three guesses which one that is, and the first two guesses don't count.

And if you still can't get the answer, take a look at the picture.

Willie's a Yankee. Willie won all of his rings with the Yankees. Willie thinks he's Joe Torre, who will be forever known as a Yankee. Willie coached with the Yankees. Willie spent countless years with the Yankees. With Reggie Jackson, with Billy Martin, fcol! Willie's pedigree is ALL YANKEE. So I say, let's send him back where he belongs - The House That Ruth Built.

And you might ask, what's in it for the Yankees?

Well my answer would be, of course - WHO CARES? I'm a Mets fan. And getting rid of Willie and sloughing him off on the Yankees is just about perfect. After all, how much worse can they get? And they might actually respond to Pathetic Willie & His Rants. Because, you know, all that Yankee respect and tradition might just kick in (did I really just say that?).

It's almost as good as it might get, fcol. LOL.

And The Big Pussy Pick of the Week Goes To...

For the first time ever in our existence (four weeks), this weeks Big Pussy Pick does NOT go to a Met in any way shape or form. In fact, two people have made the Big Pussy's list this week and I could not think of two whinier bitches who deserve it more.

The winners this week are...Johnny Damon and Derek Jeter!!!!

Mainly because they are poseurs, little bitches and oh yeah, complained that Carlos Delgado's clearly fair would-be 3-run home run was actually foul. Oh sit and spin you two!! I have a few choice words for you both.

Let me start with Mr. Damon, the clean-cut handsome pinstriped gentleman. You may be confused with some other "Idiot" (or so he called himself) who was a super-duper star and fan favorite of the storied 2004 World Champion Red Sox team. You know, the team that absolutely humiliated Jeter, A-Fraud and all the pussy Skankees in the ALCS that year.

Johnny endeared himself to the fans that year, not only for being a Yankee killer when it was needed most, but with his scruffy beard, long scraggly hair, he was the consummated working-class dog. However, he truly endeared himself to fans with this here quote: "I could never play for the Yankees."

And he was right, so we thought. He could never go to the dark side and shave his beard and cut his trademark hippie hair. After all, wasn't that hairstyle the very thing that inspired the "Damon's Disciples," who sported t-shirts that read, "WWJDD?" Translation: "What Would Johnny Damon Do?"

Of course, all players say they couldn't play for the Yankees...till they actually sit down the Yanks and walk out with dreams of sugar plum fairies and dollar signs. When the Yanks trumped the Red Sox more than fair price of $10 mil per year (at a total 4-years), you know the Yankees actually offered $3 mil MORE per year, making Mr. Damon one of them - a white collar stiff.

Of course, possibly the best thing to come out of that signing were two things out of Red Sox Nation - one was, the first night Damon played at Fenway as a Yank, the fans threw monopoly money at him (Damon actually thought it was confetti), and came up with a great slogan to take the place of WWJDD - "Looks like Jesus, Throws Like Mary, Acts Like Judas."

So of course he was going to act like home run went foul - he learned from the best, playing with Slappy Mc Slapperson himself Alex Rodriguez. Look no further than pics of A-Rod getting called out after slapping the ball out of Arroyo's glove in 2004 - what? What'd I do?

Finally, Derek Jeter makes the list because all he did was tell the umpire - that was foul and automatically almost the CALL WAS REVERSED. Oh yeah, Yankee class all the way. He couldn't possibly lie about that, Derek Jeter - such a stand-up guy. YEAH RIGHT. Just ask Jessica Alba what a stand-up guy he is. She won't be forgetting about Jeter anytime soon if that story is true.

But what gets me is - the umpires just automatically got scared the second Jeter opened his mouth. Are you kidding me? My two dead grandmothers could kick his ass. And believe me, they were not tough ladies. Are you kidding me? YOU are the umpires - didn't it occur to you that the opposing team might have some kind of vested interest in saying - hey, that ball went foul? Jeez, ya think?

Of course, it didn't matter anyway as the Mets delivered a good ol' fashioned Yank Spank. But Johnny and Derek both deserve the Big Pussy of the Week for being big whiny bitches.

Hey Johnny and Derek? Do you read lips? FUCK YOU!!!

Now in light of bringing up the all-metrosexual team of New York, for your viewing pleasure, I have dug up an oldie but a goodie. Enjoy.

So Long, Mikey, And Other Not So Good News

And so it is... today, Mike Piazza, the former Mets' star catcher (like you don't know that!) announced his retirement from major league baseball. In a classy and almost elegant statement, Mikey showed what it is to be grateful, humble and proud. (Three things that Willie Randolph could learn from him.... ). So goodbye, Mikey, and good luck, and we'll look forward to seeing you inducted into the Hall of Fame in five years. You and I had our ups and downs, but you gave the Mets and their fans hope, credibility, and a helluva ride for a few years there. So, thank you, Mikey, I humbly thank you, and wish you nothing but the best in the future.

In contrast, during today's Mets/Atlanta game, the Mets announcers spent the better part of, oh, the first five innings or so talking about and playing quotes from none other than Willie Wonker. As I said above, he could take a few pages out of Mike Piazza's book at times. Today, he tried (rather unsuccessfully, I thought) to backpedal on his Willie Rant, and as usual, he would have been better off saying less than the more he ended up saying. Didn't anybody ever tellya, fellow - LESS IS MORE. No charge for the free advice, Willie!

And in other sad news, Ted Kennedy has been diagnosed with brain cancer. What a terrible time for him and for his long-suffering family. Say what you want about ol' Ted, but he is a Senate icon, and will probably go down, even if he steps not another foot in the Senate, as one of the most influential and prolific lawmakers of our time. Ted's certainly had his personal difficulties and peccadillos during his lifetime (Chappaquiddick, anyone?), and has made his share of mistakes, but has done more to advance the cause of poor, disenfranchised and minority Americans than probably anyone else in his time. Good luck with your battle, Ted... we'll all be rooting for you!

My Rant On Willie's Rant....

OK, I've been chewing on the now infamous "Willie Rant" for a couple of days now, have read various things on various blogs and message boards, have considered the sum of what I know and what I think I know, and have seen, and I have a couple of things to say. Surprise, surprise, right? Well, this is a Mets blog, after all...

OK, point number one. Willie needs to realize and understand that part of the problem is that he's making this whole thing about HIM, when it really is about the TEAM. After all, if the team was winning and playing well and playing good entertaining baseball, how much of this do you really think would be happening? You know what I mean by THIS -- all the talk of Willie's job being in jeopardy and the like. Fact is, nobody even THINKS about firing the manager of such a team. And by Willie making such a fuss over the way HE'S being treated, or HE'S being jeopardized or HE'S being misperceived... well, that just doesn't cut it with the fans. Fact is, Willie, THE FANS BLAME YOU FOR THE PERFORMANCE OF THE TEAM, ESPECIALLY AFTER THE COLLAPSE LAST YEAR.

So I'm really tired of the Willie Playing Dumb persona. Willie's a New Yorker, fcol -- if he doesn't get that, he doesn't really get anything else, which brings me to my next point.

Point number two, unless I lost count, which if I was playing as dumb as Willie has been playing lately, would be a distinct possibility. But anyway, point two. Don't even go there with the race thing, Willie! I suppose you were interviewed for a gazillion major league manager's jobs and turned down for every one because you were... gasp... BLACK! Who the hell do you think you are, anyway, Rev. Al? FCOL, Willie, you need to stop this, and stop it NOW. The plain and simple fact is that there have been numerous black and Latino managers in the major leagues for many years now, and I would be very surprised if race was a factor at all in your inability to get a major league job. More like you had no previous managerial experience, not even in the MINOR LEAGUES; I would bet you interviewed in the same way as you manage and conduct yourself; and I would bet you were competing with many guys out there who actually HAD experience and a resume. So get over the fucking entitlement argument, too, ok?

You know what? The more I think about this, the more it pisses me off. So I think I'm going to stop right now, because if I don't, I'll spend the rest of the day pissed off and won't enjoy what looks to be a Met fan's dream -- a day/night double dip against a hated division rival.

And a first game matchup of Willie's Uncle Tom Glavine versus The Second Coming of John Maine.

But before I go - ponder THIS, Willie Randolph. You wanna talk about unfair? Let's talk John Lester, who was stricken with a terrible disease in his early 20s. THAT'S what I call unfair. And what did he do about it? He didn't cry "why me?" or blame God, or blame anyone... he beat the disease, he battled back, and rewarded himself with a no hitter yesterday evening. Talk about grace under pressure.... you twit, Willie, you have soooo much to learn, you arrogant ungrateful twit.

That is all.

Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Yankees Lose!

... and the Mets win the rain-shortened series, 2-0, and beat the living shit out of the seemingly hapless Yankees this weekend. Even Mr. Original Met Killer, Derek Jeter, couldn't save a team that looks as if it's a second division team... permanently, or as permanently as for the rest of this year, at least. Of course, the Yankees were missing A-Rod and Posada, but considering the overall state of That Team From The Bronx, including the starting pitching (is there any?), the bullpen (is there one?), and the offense (is there one, except for Jeter, and the two missing guys?), I'd say the Bronx Bombers are going to suffer plenty of getting bombed this year.

And what can I say about our boys' team performance this weekend? They finally seemed to get that there is no "I" in "team," and both wins were clearly team efforts, for a change. Sure, Santana wasn't stellar on Saturday, but the boys got enough runs for him, and he perservered, and Wagner picked him up. No "I" in "team" there. And last night, the entire Mets offense just shit all over the Yankees, and Ollie provided the toilet paper.

Yeah, baby!

Onto Atlanta, and hopefully more of the same......

And When We Get Behind... Closed.... Doors.....

...and we let our hair...hang....down.....Yep, just like ol' Charley Rich said in his classic country/western song, back when they still called it "country/western" music, the Mets had a "behind closed doors" team meeting last night, called by none other than Willie "The Wilbur" Wonker, the Mets illustrious manager... at least for now.

And I betcha the main topics discussed were, let's see now....hmm....Billy Wagner's mouth, Billy Wagner's mouth, and Billy Wagner's mouth! It seems as if on the Mets, winning might actually be secondary to Billy Wagner's mouth.

Kevin Burkhardt of SNY interviewed David Wright today on the pre-game show, and David said that what happened last night could bring the team together... now I know we're in trouble. Or not. Who knows; as they say, the proof is in the pudding, and I want the Bill Cosby Jello kind, luscious and yummy and smooth.

So whatcha say, boys? If you can't win one for the gipper, win one for yourselves, fcol. Aren't you tired of losing already? Sheesh, I know I'M tired of it, and I'll betcha if you asked most of your fans, they are, as well. And it's not just the losing, it's the manner of the losing, the so many new and uncreative ways you can make your lack of effort on the field so obvious to even us unedjumacated New York sports fans, you fools. You must think we're stupid, or something. I'm not even WITH stupid, like the ubiquitous and tawdry shirt has been known to say.

Oh, and one more thing - stop the crying, babies, ok now?

Onto the game.....

Gary, Keith and Ron, And The Coop Speaks!....

....so I'm circling the globe of Mets blogs today, trying to find something positive without being rah rah and totally devoid of the reality of this team, so I think... and think... and think.... and wonder, where can I go to find such a thing?

So I go here, to Mets Fan Blog. And I'll be damned if I don't find this paean to Gary, Keith and Ron, three of the few good, no, GREAT things about the 2008 New York Mets.

And just think -- it could be worse, MUCH worse. We could be subject, every day, to the likes of John "Theeeeeeee Yankees" Sterling, Michael "Saying I'm A Homer Would Be A Vast Understatement" Kay, Suzyn "I Really Can't Understand Why She Still Has A Sports Job, Oh, My Good Gosh" Waldman, Don "Mr. Snooze" Sutton, Chip/Skip "Take Your Pick, They Both Suck" Carey, or... well, I could go on and on. Oh, I left out Kenny "I Ain't Marv" Albert and Steve "Man, I'm Stupid, Which Is Why I Belong in LA" Lyons.

And be sure to visit Coop's blog and see what TC thinks ought to be done about this shitty team.

May the force be with you.

From Vile To Worse....

...and a big, huge, BOO to the Mets....

I am simply at a loss for words, speechless, if you will, at this latest turn of events in Metsland. Again, a great pitching performance, this time by Big Pelf, is wasted, down the tubes, tossed aside, by an anemic, or should I say totally ineffective offense against a pitcher whose ERA going into the game was something like eleven.

ELEVEN. You DID NOT MISREAD THAT, just so you know.

And frankly, going into a Mets/Yankees Subway Series, I've never seen less juice, nor have I ever felt such fan disbelief, incredulity, a what-the-fuck-just-happened-here sense of frustration and anger, even bordering on hatred, of a team who just one year ago was solidly in first place, and looked to be set for years to come.

I am positively, absolutely speechless.

Vile-Man Blows Up The Joint....

.....will the real Jose Reyes please stand up, will somebody (Willie Wonker, that means YOU) please stand up for Moises, and basically, METS, which of course, means my-entire-team-sucks!

Aaron Vileman could screw up a one-car funeral at this point. Last night, during the broadcast, SNY showed a graphic indicating that at the point where Mr. Vile entered the game, he had heretofore (nice word, huh? Lawyer word...lol) allowed SIX of EIGHT INHERITED BASERUNNERS TO SCORE. That's right folks, you ain't reading it wrong. Now, I grant you, it's a fairly small statistical model, but then again, so are relievers' seasons in terms of innings and stuff anyway, and after last night, the statistical model is less small and even more vile.

So what happens? The extremely strong effort of Claudio Vargas, who was lifted byy Willie Wonker in favor of Vileman after less than 100 pitches and after having surrendered only one run up until that point (sixth inning), goes for naught.

Nice friggin' job, Wilbur.... you belong with Mr. Ed, sonny boy.

It looks to me as if Wilbur has lost whatever tenuous hold or control he had on this team, the thrill is gone, as they say, and so should Wilbur be... GONE, that is. If this team does not turn things around quickly, and by that, I mean hasta pronto, just for those guys on the team that don't understand, or want to understand, ingles.

The series finale is today, and let's hope it's an Afternoon Delight rather than a Highway to Hell kind of game.

THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE UGLY!!!

Last night, the Mets beat the Nats 6-3, in a rather routine win over one of the worst teams in the league...

THE GOOD

Gotta get those wins, especially against the inferior teams... Another great night by Church, and 3 hits for Schneider...

Meanwhile, the guy we traded him for made a VERY overrated catch on Shirley Delgado in Centerfield, and managed to go 0-4 with 3 K's last night...

Milledge is hitting .245 now, while Church and Schneider are both over .320, and playing excellent defense as well...

Moises continues to mash the ball, now hitting .364 on the year... 2 more hits last night... He may be old... He may pee on his hands... But boy, can that man hit a baseball!!!

THE BAD

Reyes is mired in another slump, and I have to admit that I'm a little concerned about when we're going to see the 2006 and early 2007 Jose Reyes, because he's been noticeably missing for about half a year now...

Easley with a rough night, booting a couple of balls and going 0-4 at the plate...

THE UGLY

17 men left on base, including 6 by Reyes, which is actually a pretty "impressive" feat for a leadoff hitter!!!

And, I love reading quotes like this from team owners:

"The bottom line is that the team is not playing the way it is capable of playing. These players are being paid a lot of money and they had better decide for themselves to earn that money."

Especially when they come from good ole' Hank, who specifically made a point of praising some pitchers, including Mariano Rivera, who rewarded Mr. Hankie by blowing the game last night!!!

And the Big Pussy Pick of the Week Goes To...

The New York Mets pitching staff!!!!

Because what was originally at the beginning of the season supposed to be our "strength" has quickly turned into a bunch of crying whiny little bitches for each start.

Let's start with the easiest target: Nelson Figueroa. As trusted colleague Deb so eloquently stated yesterday, Nelson's crying. Waah waaah waahhhhh, as Artie Lange would say. And what did he cry about, exactly?

"The Nationals cheer like little softball girls."

Oh, I'm sorry Nelson, are you from Freehold, NJ, where the little boys go around crying to their mothers that Big Buster Brown beat them up on the school playground? WAH! No, as a matter of fact, you coulda gone "brooklyn" on their last-place asses and played tough. But noooooooo. You had to bitch it out to the media.

Guess you didn't see last season where everyone in the NL East hated on the Mets so badly, that they deliberately played their hearts out at the end of the season to ruin any chances of them winning the pennant for two years in a row. Now, thanks Nelson, you done did it, making the rest of these sorry asses hate ours.

At least the team had the common decency to demote you ("DFA'd") and your butt buddy in the 'pen, Jorge Sosa - who by the way couldn't pitch a strike if it was eight miles wide. Another fucking pussy on this team.

Okay, so that may be it right? WRONG. For a team with such a rich pitching history and for young guys to come up through the ranks, you'd think some tough New York guys would be bred in the system. Yeah, right. Let me introduce you to Mr. Michael "Big Pelf" Pelfrey.

OK, if I saw this dude walking down the street, I'd probably be scared. He is 6'7" and just an overall monster, getting the moniker of "Big Pelf" and starting a trend of "Go Big Pelf" shirts. See, Mets fans love kids who are talked about in the minors...then hate when they come up and can't back their stuff up in the bigs. Pelf has yet to enthuse us. Save a few starts in 2007 when we needed him most, he just fails to impress.

But what really truly kills me is that he's 24 years-old, throws hard...and yet, can't get through a game unless Brian Schneider is catching. OK, I'm sorry - even Pedro Martinez had a "personal catcher" but only because he's been around forever, is a Cy Young award winner, is a bad-ass and frankly, hated Mike Piazza. Fine. But to trade Lastings Milledge for a dude who was never good just so Mike Pelfrey can be comfortable says something about the psyche of the young kid.

I'll give you a hint: it's a five-letter word that begins with "P," ends with "Y" and has a "USS" in the middle.

Here's an idea - let's stop with the yeast infection medication, take some testosterone pills and let's kick some ass out there on the mound.

Is that it? Of course not.

Oliver Perez has been talked about ad nauseum, about how he is Dr. Oliver Jekyll Perez or Mr. Ollie Hyde. So I won't even go there. And John Maine - John Maine gets a pass for being the pitcher who cares least about what you think of him - and at least it's visible when Willie wants to take him out of the game that he's pissed off about it. He also gets his props for throwing at the very first batter of the night.

I like John Maine. Therefore, he gets a Big Pussy reprieve.

But Johan Santana - the dude who is supposed to be the show-stopper? Fails to impress.

Now I know that April is typically a slow month for him. And save his very first game where I swear I was impregnated by his strike outs has been so-so at best in his tenure. Look, I am willing to give him the benny of the doubt since he IS Johan Freaking Santana. But I have to pick on him, because...well, why not?

Let's see - a few weeks ago, he had a less than stellar outing because it was cold and misty out. OK, he's used to playing in a dome in the midwest. I get it.

But his allergies were bothering him in last start?

Say it with me folks..

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Give me a fucking break, as Nell Carter would have said if she were allowed to curse on-air. So Johan who has signed the richest contract in pitching history has the sniffles? Oh cry me a fucking river. You mean to tell me with all that money you can't hire an allergist? A immunologist? Or at the very least someone can't forge a prescription for Claritin? What about a neti pot? I use one of those and my allergies have been tamed. Look, I know that coming to an area known for its pollen count and horrible repurcussions for allergies. But this is motherfucking ridiculous.

Look, I'm willing to give you a pass Johan, if you help us kick the Yankees' asses on Friday. Thanksabunch.

Now, let's get Ron Darling into the clubhouse to teach these young dudes a thing or two about their mental game. Obviously Rick Peterson with his talk of butterflies aint getting the job done.

Because if you can't block out cheering the opposing teammates on, if you can't pitch unless your friend is catching you, if you can't pitch because the pollen count is high tonight?

That means one thing.

You are a fucking pussy.

Visit me at My Summer Family or at Section 14 in the Mezzanine at Shea. I'll gladly let you buy me a beer. Peace.

The Show Stopper, The Maine Event....

...whatever you want to call him, it's clear that John Maine has the goods, and has developed into one of the upper echelon pitchers in either league. It's totally clear that Maine has the ability to plug up the sinkhole that is sometimes known as Mets baseball, and as Joe Benigno on WFAN said yesterday, in a neat twist on the old "Spahn and Sain:" "Santana and Maine, and pray for rain!" And pray indeed, but we won't go there today, will we?

So far this year, Maine has won four times after Mets losses, and that ain't nothing to sniff at, especially in a year where the Mets have played "we win one, we win one not" kind of baseball.

And a word to Omar, here -- remember, dear, pitching and defense win championships. So far, other than Santana and Maine, we are praying for lots of rain when it comes to the other starters, and let's just say that the Mets defense has looked.... inconsistent thus far, to put it nicely. These are definite areas of concern in the early going, and things about which I would focus on if I were the GM, which of course I'm not, but still....