Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Charlie Could Put A Real "Sheen" On The Mets - a/k/a "Winning!"

Hey, long time, no hear, huh? Well, frankly, I've been pretty disgusted/bored/apathetic/disinterested/uninterested with the Mets over this past year (well, to be honest, since the Carlos At The Bat incident of the 2006 postseason, pretty much), but in view of recent events, what I think is the germination of a great idea has just occurred to moi, yrs truly, fellow Met fanhater. "Fanhater," since I can't quite codify, define or even begin to understand my relationship, if any, to this shithole of a team. So, "fanhater" is my new term for the whole thing. You heard it here first.

Anyway, like most of my fellow fanhaters, I'm watching the whole Wilpon/Madoff/Picard saga unfold over the past year or so. And of course, being of the longstanding belief that the Wilpons weren't the brightest bulbs in the sockets of life, I wasn't really too shocked or surprised that they were up to their ears in this shitball of a mess. Nor that the fortunes, or continuing misfortunes, of the Mets, might hang on the ultimate resolution of this very, very messy, and very, very public debacle. And that the Wilpons, being what they are (not too bright, see above), might not necessarily steer themselves into the best possible solution of this here mess.

Now, we're dealing with all that, and then..... TA DA! Enter one very wired, fucked up, yet strangely and compellingly fascinating character named Charlie Sheen. I gotta tell you, it's like divine providence or something; like the universe has collided in a very cosmically important and significant way, to produce what I think might be the ultimate solution to the Met fanhaters' problems - meet Charlie Sheen, new owner of the Mets.

I'll tell you one thing - you have to LOVE his new mantra, "Winning!" No matter what this guy does, it's all about "winning." How, no matter how obviously strung out, hung over, weirded out or fucked up he is, he always claims to be "winning!" "WIN-NING!"

You just have to love that, if you're a Mets fanhater like me.

So before Charlie runs out of cash-ish (or hash-ish, whatever the case may be), why not reach out and give a hidey-ho and see if Charlie-boy wants to buy the Mets? If for no other reason, I am smacking my lips at merely the thought of some of the possibilities for promotion days. Things like "Smoke Crack With David Wright Day." Or "Two And A Half Kilos Day." You know, shit like that.

Of course, you might want to think twice before you bring your kiddies to the game, but really, don't you do that now???? I mean, DON'T YOU? Because if you don't, you should, exposing the little ones to all that negativity, all that Beltran and Ollie and Freddie and Jeffie and Bernie, and all. Why, it's almost enough to turn the kiddies off baseball for the rest of their lives.

And truly, "Winning," even in the likely Charlie Sheen version, might not be such a bad thing, after all.