Tuesday, May 20, 2008

And The Big Pussy Pick of the Week Goes To...

For the first time ever in our existence (four weeks), this weeks Big Pussy Pick does NOT go to a Met in any way shape or form. In fact, two people have made the Big Pussy's list this week and I could not think of two whinier bitches who deserve it more.

The winners this week are...Johnny Damon and Derek Jeter!!!!

Mainly because they are poseurs, little bitches and oh yeah, complained that Carlos Delgado's clearly fair would-be 3-run home run was actually foul. Oh sit and spin you two!! I have a few choice words for you both.

Let me start with Mr. Damon, the clean-cut handsome pinstriped gentleman. You may be confused with some other "Idiot" (or so he called himself) who was a super-duper star and fan favorite of the storied 2004 World Champion Red Sox team. You know, the team that absolutely humiliated Jeter, A-Fraud and all the pussy Skankees in the ALCS that year.

Johnny endeared himself to the fans that year, not only for being a Yankee killer when it was needed most, but with his scruffy beard, long scraggly hair, he was the consummated working-class dog. However, he truly endeared himself to fans with this here quote: "I could never play for the Yankees."

And he was right, so we thought. He could never go to the dark side and shave his beard and cut his trademark hippie hair. After all, wasn't that hairstyle the very thing that inspired the "Damon's Disciples," who sported t-shirts that read, "WWJDD?" Translation: "What Would Johnny Damon Do?"

Of course, all players say they couldn't play for the Yankees...till they actually sit down the Yanks and walk out with dreams of sugar plum fairies and dollar signs. When the Yanks trumped the Red Sox more than fair price of $10 mil per year (at a total 4-years), you know the Yankees actually offered $3 mil MORE per year, making Mr. Damon one of them - a white collar stiff.

Of course, possibly the best thing to come out of that signing were two things out of Red Sox Nation - one was, the first night Damon played at Fenway as a Yank, the fans threw monopoly money at him (Damon actually thought it was confetti), and came up with a great slogan to take the place of WWJDD - "Looks like Jesus, Throws Like Mary, Acts Like Judas."

So of course he was going to act like home run went foul - he learned from the best, playing with Slappy Mc Slapperson himself Alex Rodriguez. Look no further than pics of A-Rod getting called out after slapping the ball out of Arroyo's glove in 2004 - what? What'd I do?

Finally, Derek Jeter makes the list because all he did was tell the umpire - that was foul and automatically almost the CALL WAS REVERSED. Oh yeah, Yankee class all the way. He couldn't possibly lie about that, Derek Jeter - such a stand-up guy. YEAH RIGHT. Just ask Jessica Alba what a stand-up guy he is. She won't be forgetting about Jeter anytime soon if that story is true.

But what gets me is - the umpires just automatically got scared the second Jeter opened his mouth. Are you kidding me? My two dead grandmothers could kick his ass. And believe me, they were not tough ladies. Are you kidding me? YOU are the umpires - didn't it occur to you that the opposing team might have some kind of vested interest in saying - hey, that ball went foul? Jeez, ya think?

Of course, it didn't matter anyway as the Mets delivered a good ol' fashioned Yank Spank. But Johnny and Derek both deserve the Big Pussy of the Week for being big whiny bitches.

Hey Johnny and Derek? Do you read lips? FUCK YOU!!!

Now in light of bringing up the all-metrosexual team of New York, for your viewing pleasure, I have dug up an oldie but a goodie. Enjoy.

6 comments:

Deb said...

This is hysterical, Coop, but I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed that in the week of the Billy Wagner comments and the Willy Rant, that Big Willie didn't get the nod again... but of course, it's nice to see two Yankees (one real, one not, lol) make the list!

JohnnysExFan said...

Johnny Damon stands for nothing.
Johnny Damon says whatever he thinks people want him to say. He has no thoughts of his own. His wife probably runs his life. He cowtows to her, his family and especially Scott Boras.

He was something once -- he struck lightning in a bottle and couldn've had fame forever -- but now he's done. At least he has plenty of money for his wife, so he will continue to think of himself as a success.

johnnys ex fan! lol said...

haha

"johnnySexFan" --- not what I meant. LMAO

Johnny's EX- Fan. :)

Deb said...

I thought the first one was infinitely funner, sex fan... lol!

Anyway, welcome aboard, matey! And see what becoming a Yankee does to a person???!!!!! We are all pretty strong Yankee haters here, and for good reason, so we believe!

Coop said...

Honestly Deb, Billy and Willie are just too easy targets these days. Believe me, I will have something for the BP Pick of the Month and I figure I will have enough ammo with another week on the road, plus a game against the Marlins :D

Deb said...

I hear ya, Coop. But it is just sooooooooo tempting with Willie, you know? I wonder how much longer he's going to last, considering everything.

I'm almost glad I won't be home to watch the game tonight. Isn't that sad? And isn't it sad that 90% of what's being talked about these days with regard to the Mets is off the field stuff? Unbelievable. The most interesting thing about yesterday's DH was, once again, Gary, Ron and Keith.