Thursday, July 3, 2008

This Just In....Mets Open Carousel Ride in Queens

Flushing, N.Y. - Today, Omar Minaya and the New York Mets have announced the Grand Opening of the New York Mets Carousel Ride in Flushing Meadows, N.Y. Mr. Minaya, speaking for the Mets, told this reporter: "Hey, we've been practicing for the opening of this ride for some time now. What do you think the Nelson Figueroa, Andy Phillips and Trot Nixon moves were all about, huh? I mean, you couldn't have really thought they were to help the team, now, could you have? Any thinking person would have realized that OF COURSE these moves were practice for today's opening."

Noticing the stunned but resigned look on this reporter's face, Mr. Minaya continued on: "And how about the Carlos Muniz thing, huh? We brought him up from New Orleans, pitched him in one inning, and promptly sent him back down. Now if that's not the king of carousel moves, I don't know what is."

The Mets have announced that the carousel, now in full swing, will be unveiled when the Mets return home next week. By that time, Mr. Minaya says, "we should have a couple more practice moves in place, and by the time we formally open the carousel, it'll be a ride envied by all other clubs."

An anonymous fan commented, "So they're finally announcing it formally, huh? Sheesh, the fucking Shea Carousel's been going on for years now; nice of them to finally make it a formality. My only question is -- how much is it going to cost to ride the damn thing? I'm already throwing away enough of my money going over to Shea, so I hope they keep the cost down."

Mr. Minaya, having heard the question, was seen snickering and singing a few skewed verses of "here we go round the mulberry bush..." as he exited the room.

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