Friday, August 1, 2008

The Friday "Go Fuck Yourself" Award....

...and today, folks, it's a three way tie between Manny Ramirez, Brett Favre and... (drum roll, please).... John McCain!

Let's take them one at a time, shall we?

We'll start with Manny Ramirez, who has been a thorn in the side of the Red Sox since almost before he landed in Beantown. Between his petulant behavior, his "sit outs," the constant controversy surrounding him, the many "Manny being Manny" incidents, the pushing and shoving of an old guy in the Red Sox front office, well, it's gotten him removed from Beantown and transplanted to the Left Coast, and a different league. With -- get THIS -- the Red Sox PAYING THE REMAINDER OF HIS CONTRACT. That's right, you DID NOT MISREAD THAT. And considering the huge talent that Manny has for the game of baseball, you have to know that for it to have come to this, contract status notwithstanding, it really had to have become totally unbearable for the very smart Red Sox organization to dump his ass, pay the freight across country for dumping his ass, and essentially get nothing in return for his ass. I suppose you could say that his ass ain't nothing but trash, with apologizes to The Steve Miller Band, lol.

Now onto the next screwball, one Brett Favre. Honestly, Brett, I knew at the time you announced your retirement, in a very touching crying-in-your-beer moment, that you weren't ready to retire. I knew it was just a knee-jerk reaction to the Super Bowl loss. And if I knew it, most of the rest of the world did, too, I suspect. And sure enough, no sooner had the dust settled on your crocodile tears than you announce you want to UN-retire, thus basically placing the Green Bay Packers in an untenable unenviable no-win (probably redundant, but I really, really want to make my point here) position.

In fact, rumor has it that the position of the Packers is SO untenable, they've offered Brett $20 million over 10 years to just sit down and shut the fuck up.


And the VIKINGS? You should hang your head in shame, Brett Favre. Man, has the bloom come off the Favre rose; the bloom has turned to tarnish, and who the hell knows what is going to come of this whole entire mess.

And now, the piece de resistance, one John McCain. Mr. McCain earned his share of this award for his pride in the recent commercial put out by his campaign. You know, the one where Barack Obama is shown to be, uh, enjoying his celebrity status in much the same way as are Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.

WAIT a minute... Britney Spears and Paris Hilton? Far as I know, Obama has never shaved his head, or exhibited bizarre, unexplained behavior (well, no more so than any other politician), and the only thing he has in common with Paris Hilton is... well... nothing. In fact, McCain, he of the Hanoi Hilton, might claim more in common with Paris Hilton than Obama ever could. Not to make light of that very awful, horrible experience, but really, John.... you've done everything but come right out and scream to the world "Look what I've done for you! Look how I've suffered! I deserve this, and I want this, and by golly, I'm going to do whatever I can to get this!"

In fact, the unholy trio of McCain, Spears and Hilton might aptly remake the "Heroes and Zeros" album.

And frankly, John, you ain't making no friends, but plenty of enemies, with this type of "campaigning." If you're so sure you're the right man for the job, well, show us your lark (is anyone else here old enough to remember that catch phrase?), put up and shut up, and let the American people, whom you don't seem to trust in the slightest, decide.

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And finally, on a different note, the line of the week. That honor goes to Jerry Manuel, who, when asked by one of the WFAN show hosts this past week where he would bat Manny, promptly replied "right behind Bonds," lol.

Now THERE'S a guy who gets it.


Brian H said...

"right behind Bonds,"



Deb said...

Yeah, wish I could take credit for it... but hey, I can take credit for being the only one to blog about it, as far as I know, lol!