Tuesday, September 2, 2008

And The Big Pussy's Pick of the Week Goes To...

Two non-Mets!!

See it's tough to get on the case of the Mets these days, especially those who my wrath was usually reserved for (*cough cough* Delgado *cough cough* Heilman). When all is well, see, it's tough to call your team for being pussies. Although there is a lot of baseball to be played...

This week's pick is a tie between Jimmy Rollins from the Phillies and Cody Ross of the Marlins!

(and the crowd goes wild!)

Okay, it should be no surprise that Jimmy Rollins makes this list. I mean, he would have eventually. Just last week, in the heat of the Mets blowing a 7-run lead and losing 8-7 to heated rivals the Phils, Jimmy Rollins had the audacity to make a comment about the celebrations in the Mets dugout, which by the way wouldn't even be a big deal if it wasn't for fucking pussies like Jimmy Rollins and Shane Victorino pointing them out. Here's an idea: DON'T LOOK IN THE DUGOUT. Anyway, here is the most delicious quote: "We don’t talk about celebrations, we just notice them. Nobody in particular. The whole team, you know."

Here is the loose translation I have here:

"We don't talk about celebrations." **I'll just bitch it out to the media instead**

"We just notice them." **How come they have all the fun?**

"Nobody in particular." **Jose Reyes - and why does he get all the recognition? It's not like he won MVP last year after running off his mouth, backing it up, and for an encore, loses three straight in the gift-wrapped postseason, AND hits .269 with 38 stolen bases on the year so far? How come I can't hit .308?**

"the whole team, you know?" **we have the wrong Manuel on our side**

And the funny thing is -- well, karma is just such a bitch. Not only does CoreyNYC over at Metsie find some good ol' fashioned blackmail photos of, hmm, something that vaguely looks like a celebration after getting on base or something, Aramis Ramirez hits a GRAND SLAM in a game that should have been a gimme for the Phils.

Yes, the NL East will be a fun race to watch, but seeing the Phils take it in the pooper with a real solid team outside of the East...well, that's just karma turning its lovely head.

OK now for Cody Ross. This douchebag deserved to get called out weeks ago, when at a game, he got drilled by a pitch by Mike "Big Pelf" Pelfrey, he played dead for a minute, then got up, fake charged the mound, and took his base. But things got interesting last Saturday night, when Ross got hit again, and starting sounding off on Pelf. Of course, he started sounding off when there were about five players separating the two.

Oh and Ross called Pelfrey a "little pussy."

You can't call Pelf a pussy! Only we can call Pelf that!!

But starting a fight with Pelf...hmmm, that is just wrong on so many levels. Ross is 5'9", 203 lbs. Big Pelf is 6'7", 230. No contest.

But the best part of this whole thing is that Pelf backs his shit up (you go, Pelf!) and says he did Ross a "favor" by hitting him with a pitch when he was up on the count 0-2. To which Ross said, you'd think he was 3-0 against us, not 0-3. OK, that's part is true, and while Ross has some pretty decent stats against Pelf (3-for-9 lifetime, 3 RBIs, etc), his overall stats, well, they suck ass. OK, maybe a little respectable with .260/.318/.496 and an .814 OPS. But we all know that Pelf's record against the Fish is an anomaly, and mark the Coop's words here --

Pelf will pitch the first ever Mets no-hitter against the Marlins. And his last out will be Cody Ross. (Hey, I didn't say perfect game...)

You heard it here first folks.

Look, this is a standard rule of thumb -- if there's a dude, a big dude, who is throwing something 90 mph at you, and he's a good FOOT taller than you are...don't start shit.

Fuckin' pussy.

So that's the goods for this week folks. Join me over at My Summer Family and Mets Divas and Dykstraw for some lively entertainment!

2 comments:

Deb said...

Coop, I totally love and agree with this entry. I had considered giving one or both of these boys the Friday Go Fuck Yourself Award, but seeing as how it was the Friday before a holiday weekend and I was lazy and all.... well, I'm glad you did it, and in such a fine fashion!

And really, the hypocrisy of Rollins is truly an inspiration to all the hypocrites out there. They need look no further than to Rollins for a fine example of their craft *snicker.*

Rickey Henderson said...

Stay classy J-Roll, stay classy.