And The Big Pussy Pick of the Week Goes To...

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2008 New...York...METS!!!!

From Omar Minaya on down to the clubhouse boy, this team has shown the most pathetic display of sportsmanship and professionalism and just overall loafed their way onto another week-long road trip. While the home stand could have been a lot worse (losing two total games - one to the Braves, the other to the Bucs while winning three), the Mets showed they were all suffering from vaginitis from Tuesday evening's game from about the 4th inning all the way until the 9th inning today.

And the reason being...(drum roll, please)...

It rained.

Are you fucking kidding me???

So where do we begin?

First, with the "Ace" Johan Santana. I use the term "ace" loosely as a guy who is .500 for the month of April, has shown not one reason why Philip Humber or Carlos Gomez should have been traded for him and has a propensity of giving up the long ball. To two guys. On the Pirates. At Shea Stadium. Need I remind you about Shea's "pitcher friendly" dimensions? I mean, isn't that the reason we got this guy? I know, he'll snap out of it. But right now here's what I hear from his less-than-dominating-performance. Oh, did I mention it was against the Pirates?

WAH! I was supposed to start on Monday. WAH! I missed a day! WAH! It throws off my schedule!! WAH! It was cold!!!! WAH! I've only pitched indoors!! WAH! WAH!

WAAAAAAHH!!!!

Stuff your sorries in a sack, mister!!!

Next is Duaner Sanchez. Now, to lump Ol' Dirty into the BPPOW is like, well, kicking a BP when he's down. But his 28-year old, car-accident-banged-up-Dirty-Sanchez shoulder has arthritis.

WAH! It was cold!!! WAH! My arthritis was acting up! WAH!!!

(OK, I feel bad about picking on Dirty, but he gave up a run. To the Pirates.)

Hey, at least Aaron Heilman didn't blow the game. But man, he did make it interesting. But something touching happened on the field that I wish to share with you. At one point when the fans were getting restless (it was a long-ass game, it was cold, it was a TUESDAY), Carlos Delgado AND David Wright went over to Aaron and consoled him. Why? Because this is what Aaron said...

WAH!!!

Yeah, you got that. Wah, crybaby bitch. Of course, two of the biggest pussies on the team go over to him.

Yes, because we ALL need help from Carlos Delgado.

WAH!!! Fuck you Jobu! I do it myself...oh wait. I'm old and can't HGH anymore. WAH!!!

David Wright is no exception, either. He could have made the game a little easier for us on Tuesday. And yes he did drive in the winning run. But noooooo...he decided to make us f'ing fans (his words, reportedly, not mine) wait in the cold. Like him. Because he's a big pussy.

WAH!!!

But that's not all. It could get much worse and boy...did it ever. Mr. Ollie Hyde showed up today, as opposed to Dr. Oliver Jekyll Perez. I guess his supporting cast in the infield, Big Pussy 3 and Big Pussy 4 (or aka Delgado and Luis Castillo...get it?? They are identified by their numeric position on the field??? Ain't I clever?) decide to fuck the game up for him.

And we all know what happens there. Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

WAH!!!! Give up 7 runs. WAH!! The rain threw me off! WAH!! WAH!!!

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

What a bunch of sorry ass pussies. But wait...there's more.

Since Omar Minaya can't get out of the crushing contract that he thought he "stole" from the Marlins on Fat-Ass Delgado, we are stuck with him. Until, you know, Minaya decides to exercise his option.

WAH! He's my friend!

Next is Willie Randolph, who is such a pussy with the vets in the clubhouse, that the young stars like Jose Reyes just don't play for him anymore.

WAH!! These are my guys!!

And finally the bat boys. I don't know why - I just feel like picking on them.

WAH!!!!

So rejoice, Mets fans. We root for a bunch of pussies.

So until next week, Metties, take your Massengill, and shut the fuck up already.

But to us fans...It could be worse.

Nah, it really couldn't be.

Here's to May 1 being the start of a "new" season.

And The Big Pussy Pick Of The Week Goes To...

Welcome to the BP Pick of the Week!! This is a new segment here at GBU Mets (well, since this blog is a week old, everything will be relatively "new" here for awhile anyway).

Since this Mets team is riddled with players who regularly get vaginitis and yeast infections - why not honor them with a posting every week?

And the winner this week is...The one, the only...Aaron Heilman.

After all, how fitting is it that the pussy who inspired Coop's Big Pussy's Posse would get the inaugural weekly award. What can I say about one-half of the heart attack brigade in the bullpen (the other half: Jorge Sosa, who is sure to make this list one day or another) that hasn't already been said?

How about, making things "interesting" game in and game out. You are getting paid to get outs in the later innings, Aaron. Throw strikes and when I say strikes, I mean strikes and not meatballs down the middle of the plate, begging to be slammed out of the park.

The icing on the cake was giving up a two-run single to 8th-spot hitting Ronnie Cedeno in the bottom of the 8th against the Cubs Monday night. Madon', why? It's a recurring theme with BP. Yadier Molina anyone? SHEESH. Of course, John Maine left the game with the loss, but of course that takes the pressure off Pussy, opening the floodgates. Hooray. Coupled with a Jorge Sosa melt-down, Mets lose and lose big.

So congrats! The Coop managed to sit down with BP's POW and here is what we said.

COOP: Aaron, what do you have to say about being bestowed with the very first BP Honor at GBU?

BP: Well, Coop, I have to say thanks, thanks for the honor. I was a little pissed off that you took me off the list to begin with - and when you made Pedro Martinez the President of the Posse, I thought - I can't get a starting role on the team AND I can't even stay as a charter member of the club I helped to found! Life so isn't fair.

COOP: No, it isn't Aaron.

Tune in next week for the second BP POW, ya hear?

NOTE: GBU Mets is not affiliated with in any way, shape or form with the New York Mets. In fact, anything remotely resembling a reputable website/blog is misrepresenting our mission here at GBU entirely. And for the record, Jay Horwitz would never allow us to interview Aaron Heilman for a Big Pussy Award. So there.

(AND, BE SURE TO VISIT Coop's First Home, My Summer Family, and check out her rant on Willie and the team.)